The Wonders of Technology

I am very thankful for modern technology. Every day, people all over the world--Americans and non-Americans alike--take for granted millions upon millions of practical household inventions. People go about their daily routines mindlessly, completely ungrateful for technological breakthroughs like coffee pots, computers, the atomic bomb, oxygen, and other household appliances. It's as if they're saying, "I'm a human being--I deserve to stick to the Earth!" Where would they be if Einstein hadn't of invented gravity? Floating around space--that's where they'd be, the ingrates.

I, for one, am completely aware of the electronic world (or e-Earth, if you will) that we live in. Ever since I popped out of my mom, I have thrived upon the hum of machines and the buzz of radio waves reverberating my fillings.* My recurring nightmare finds me crying helplessly in the woods as I try and sleep in the fresh air under a starlit sky, alone and bereft of peace without an iPod, microwave oven, or my Lost DVD collection.*** In contrast, when I sit in long meetings and daydream, the Nirvana I imagine always somehow involves the Internet, a construction site, and being hooked up to critical life support. I love technology so much that I once begged the doctor to let me live in an iron lung. The loser completely ignored me.^

This brings me to my favorite piece of technology: the cellular phone (or as the kids are calling them these days, "cell phones"). I remember when these things were called "car phones" and they came in nifty black leather bags that resembled man-purses with scrunchy cords dangling from the zipper. I love cell phones because I can always be connected to anyone I've ever known or thought about knowing within just a few seconds. Never do I have to worry about being alone--someone could call me at any second! No more will I have to worry about battling the dark stillness of the night--I'll leave my phone on, and maybe I'll hear it ring at 3 in the morning. What joy!

The real reason I think I like mobiles so much stems from a traumatic incident early in my life--something quite personal that I've never shared with anyone else:^^

I once knew this girl...well, she was a woman, really. I was infatuated with her, quite honestly. For months, I didn't want to be with anyone but her. We ate all our meals together, went everywhere together, and even slept together (something I'm not very proud of). In short, we did everything together. You might think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not--we were connected, physically and emotionally. Friends would try and talk to me about her, but most of the time, I just wouldn't listen. It got to the point where people--some of whom I didn't even know--would shout at me unceasingly, ready for me to leave this woman and get a life. I just wanted to be with her, though; I knew nothing else. I would try and push them away, but again and again they returned, each time louder as if invigorated and enthralled by my feeble resistance.

But as time went on, things started getting tense between us. I started sensing that she really wanted me to leave, yet ironically, I was, at the same time, feeling incredibly smothered by our relationship. When we'd first gotten together, we were both growing so much! But what both of us realized was, while I was still growing, she had virtually stopped months ago. Our relationship, while still enjoyable at times, weighed on her heavily, and she was ready for me to go. She'd say as much to me--never harshly--but sometimes with frustration. I didn't take her seriously until the day she kicked me out.
To be clear, she had help. On her own, I still to this day doubt that she could of gotten rid of me, so intricate was our connection. But she had friends and family--as well as professional council--advising her to push me out of her life. I didn't know what hit me.
I found out later that her "friendly" doctor actually medicated her, inhibiting her ability to think clearly and enabling her to do what she did. Things had been basically fine for several weeks, but then, within a matter of hours, she decided it was over.

I felt incredible pressure to leave. Wanting desperately to salvage the great thing we had for so long, I clung--too long, I now realize--to the past, unwilling to move on. But with nowhere to go but out, I reluctantly escaped with nothing but my life to show for it. Tears were shed by myself and her as well as by our friends. Their tears were of happiness; ours, tears of deep pain.

Yet all this difficulty is nothing compared to final blow felled to me that day. After hours of attempting to forever change our relationship, the same doctor who drugged her severed our connection forever.

Ever since that day, I have subconsciously--sometimes, even vengefully--sought to regain that type of connection with her. My life has seen me bounce around from woman to woman, trying in vain to feel as closely joined to someone as I did for those few short months. But now that cell phones are accessible to all of the world, I never have to worry again! Instead of trying to reconnect that physical umbilical cord, I have an electronic one! And that is what makes all the difference.*Yes, I did have fillings as an infant. It was an arduous delivery; please don't ask. If you want, I have a photo album on Facebook with excessively detailed pictures.**
**Not really.
***I still can't find those confounded discs! They really are good at what they do.
^Ok, he did not completely ignore me. What he actually said was, "Nurse, please give the boy another shot of Novocaine."
^^Which makes the story perfect for the anonymity of the Internet.