Thoughts that Keep One Awake Whilst Driving Across the Country

At this time, I'd like to take a break from my regularly-scheduled series on weddings and share some my travel experience with you through a collection of thoughts:

A statement of fact: Watermelon is not a good pre-road trip breakfast.

A warning: Beware of gas station bathrooms, especially ones where, before entering, the owner stops you and says, "I have to warn you--it's pretty bad in there."

A proverb: Burritos are like cousins visiting from out of town. They're awesome at first, but then they either leave in an awful hurry or hang around long after you'd like them to.

A theory: Native Americans love to gamble. Why else would so many of them choose to live in Oklahoma where there's nothing but casinos and sub-par college football?

A proposition: Change the term "rest room" to "relief room." It's rare I find a gas station lavatory in which I feel like resting. To be most accurate, we should probably call them "watch where you stand and please don't touch anything" rooms.

An exclamation of praise: I am not a woman; thus, even while I lament about the poor state of public restrooms, I do not experience them in the same way they do. We men should pray for them.

A final bathroom reference: Urinals and flip flops do not make good bedfellows.

A suggestion for Illinois: One word, two syllables: topography. Check it out--lots of states are doing it.

A realization: This country has a lot of corn. There's got to be something we can do with it besides eat it. Engineers, please get on that.

A desire: Instead of correcting me when I deviate from my suggested course, I wish my GPS would say things like, "My, I should of thought of that" or "Wow, sir, you're quite the adventurer." Also, I'd like it to giggle occasionally while I'm pressing its buttons.

A fact: Trucks full of turkeys are disgusting.

A guess: I bet teenagers in Illinois love telling people that they live in Effingham.